Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] My name is Alan Di Sabia. I am a psychiatrist and psychotherapist and you're listening to Mental Health.
[00:00:39] Welcome.
[00:00:42] This is a bedtime story to help you fall asleep.
[00:00:54] Let your body rest.
[00:00:58] Let your shoulders rub.
[00:01:06] Tonight there is nothing to do, Nothing to fix, Nothing to think about.
[00:01:25] Just listen.
[00:01:30] And breathe in slow.
[00:01:37] And breathe out softer.
[00:01:51] Let's begin.
[00:01:57] Imagine a forest.
[00:02:08] It is the end of the day.
[00:02:20] The last light moves slowly through the leaves.
[00:02:35] Soft, Golden, Almost gone.
[00:03:09] The trees are tall.
[00:03:16] The leaves are quiet.
[00:03:23] The air is cool and calm and still.
[00:03:47] A small path brands through the trees.
[00:03:57] Soft under the feet.
[00:04:04] Soft and warm and quiet.
[00:04:33] A man is walking on the path.
[00:04:44] He walks slowly.
[00:04:50] His feet are soft on the ground.
[00:04:58] His breath is calm.
[00:05:03] His shoulders are loose.
[00:05:13] Far above him a bear sings.
[00:05:21] Just one time and then quiet again.
[00:05:40] The path goes along the side of a mountain.
[00:05:50] On his left there are trees.
[00:06:00] On his right a soft, slow hill.
[00:06:10] With grass.
[00:06:16] With small stones falling gently down to the valley.
[00:06:30] He walks.
[00:06:37] He breathes.
[00:06:44] He is not thinking.
[00:06:53] And somewhere up the hill, A small stone moves.
[00:07:15] Just a little stone about the size of his hand.
[00:07:29] It rolls, It falls.
[00:07:39] Comes down the hill in soft, slow jumps.
[00:07:55] He hears it just before it reaches him.
[00:08:02] It touches his leg.
[00:08:06] Not hard, not deep.
[00:08:11] Just enough to make him stop.
[00:08:15] Just enough to surprise him.
[00:08:21] He looks down.
[00:08:25] The little stone is there in the soft dust next to his foot.
[00:08:44] His leg feels small pain.
[00:08:51] He touches it with his hand.
[00:08:57] He looks up the heel.
[00:09:01] There is no one there.
[00:09:08] No reason, No story.
[00:09:16] Just the mountain.
[00:09:19] Just a soft, slow way.
[00:09:27] Mountains let little things fall every now and then.
[00:09:34] The stone simply fell.
[00:09:43] He stands on the path.
[00:09:49] The pain is going.
[00:09:54] It is small.
[00:09:59] It is fading.
[00:10:04] He could just keep walking.
[00:10:12] But then something else begins to happen.
[00:10:25] Inside his mind.
[00:10:28] A voice begins to speak.
[00:10:34] Why me?
[00:10:37] Why now?
[00:10:39] I should have seen it.
[00:10:43] I should have been careful.
[00:10:46] I should have walked another way.
[00:10:51] Why me?
[00:10:54] Why now?
[00:10:58] Why always me?
[00:11:04] The voice grows.
[00:11:11] The voice gets sharper.
[00:11:18] And inside his body something is changing.
[00:11:28] A second wait.
[00:11:34] Not in his leg.
[00:11:39] Somewhere deeper in his chest.
[00:11:47] In his stomach.
[00:11:51] In a soft, hidden place.
[00:12:00] A heavy feeling, much heavier than the small pain in his leg.
[00:12:13] At first he doesn't notice.
[00:12:20] He thinks it is all the same.
[00:12:26] But it isn't.
[00:12:34] The first weight came from the mountain.
[00:12:41] The second weight is coming from somewhere else.
[00:12:54] He sits down at the side of a path.
[00:13:06] The little stone is in the dust beside him.
[00:13:16] And the more he thinks, the heavier he feels.
[00:13:28] The thoughts go around and around and around, Pulling him back and again and again.
[00:13:49] To the moment of the storm.
[00:14:01] And every time he goes back, the moment comes, gets bigger.
[00:14:09] Bigger than it was, heavier than it was, more important than it was.
[00:14:32] After a while, an old woman walks along the path.
[00:14:42] She is small, she is grey.
[00:14:49] She is quiet.
[00:14:53] She has a wooden stick.
[00:14:58] She has a soft cloth bag.
[00:15:09] She looks at him.
[00:15:12] She is not surprised.
[00:15:17] She sits down beside him on a low, flat stone.
[00:15:29] She doesn't speak at first.
[00:15:35] She just breathes.
[00:15:40] She just rests.
[00:15:44] She just looks at the trees.
[00:15:55] After a while she looks at the little stone in the dust.
[00:16:07] That stone fell from the mountain, she says, soft, gentle.
[00:16:18] No one sent it.
[00:16:21] No one wanted to hurt you.
[00:16:24] Just a mountain doing what mountains do.
[00:16:31] He nods.
[00:16:34] He already knew.
[00:16:38] But hearing it from her, something inside him softens.
[00:16:51] She looks at him for a long, kind moment.
[00:17:01] And then she says, even softer, that.
[00:17:07] But there is a second stone.
[00:17:09] And that one I can't move.
[00:17:14] Only you can.
[00:17:18] He doesn't understand.
[00:17:21] What second stone?
[00:17:23] He smiles, just a little.
[00:17:29] The one in your own hand.
[00:17:37] He looks down, and for the first time he sees it.
[00:17:48] In his right hand there is another stone.
[00:17:55] Smaller than the first, heavier than it looks.
[00:18:02] He didn't see it.
[00:18:03] He didn't feel it, because he was the one holding it.
[00:18:09] He was the one pressing it tighter and tighter with every thought.
[00:18:18] Why me?
[00:18:20] I should.
[00:18:22] I own ways.
[00:18:24] Why now?
[00:18:27] Every thought a little more weight.
[00:18:32] Every thought a little more press.
[00:18:40] He looks at his fingers.
[00:18:43] He didn't know.
[00:18:45] The old woman watches.
[00:18:49] She is patient.
[00:18:52] She is quiet.
[00:18:54] She doesn't rush.
[00:19:00] The first stone, she says, came from the mountain.
[00:19:06] You didn't choose it.
[00:19:09] Mountains let stones fall sometimes.
[00:19:13] We can always move away in time.
[00:19:19] She waits.
[00:19:25] But the second stone, the second stone is different.
[00:19:32] The second stone is the one you pick up after.
[00:19:37] With your thoughts, with your judgments, with your quiet fight against what already happened.
[00:19:53] She looks at her hand, still closed.
[00:19:59] That one you can let go.
[00:20:05] He doesn't move.
[00:20:11] It feels strange to let go, Feels hard, almost wrong.
[00:20:19] As if holding the stone were a way to say no, a way to fight, a way to say this shouldn't happen to me.
[00:20:33] But the stone in his hand can change the stone from the mountain.
[00:20:40] The stone in his hand only makes his hand tired, and he breathes in slow and he breathes out slower.
[00:21:03] And then, very gently, he opens his fingers.
[00:21:16] The stone falls.
[00:21:21] A small sound, soft, like a quiet child.
[00:21:35] He doesn't feel better. All at once.
[00:21:42] His leg still feels a little sore.
[00:21:52] The forest is still quiet around him.
[00:22:01] But something inside his chest loosens.
[00:22:10] The heavy feeling begins to go.
[00:22:18] Not the first. Wait.
[00:22:21] That one needs time.
[00:22:28] The second weight.
[00:22:30] The one he was making all by himself.
[00:22:44] He sits at the side of the path, Breathing slow, breathing soft, breathing easy.
[00:23:07] And the old woman puts her hands on his shoulder.
[00:23:13] Just for a moment.
[00:23:18] Then she stands, she takes her stick.
[00:23:27] And she walks down the path into the soft blue beginning of the night.
[00:23:40] He watches her go.
[00:23:54] After a while he stands as well.
[00:24:00] His leg is fine, feels light.
[00:24:09] He leaves the second stone there in the dust beside the first.
[00:24:20] He doesn't need to carry it.
[00:24:33] The forest grows darker.
[00:24:43] The sky grows low and deep.
[00:24:46] Above the trees.
[00:24:56] The first stars appear.
[00:24:59] One by one between the branches.
[00:25:13] His feet find her quiet rhythm again.
[00:25:23] And he walks on.
[00:25:32] Breathe.
[00:25:37] Soft, Slow.
[00:25:52] Tonight.
[00:25:54] If a stone fell somewhere in your day, let it be what it was.
[00:26:04] It already happened.
[00:26:07] It was small.
[00:26:15] But look at your hand.
[00:26:18] If there's a second stone, stare, you can let it fall.
[00:26:27] You don't have to carry it into the night.
[00:26:36] And there is something beautiful about how quietly this works.
[00:26:46] You are safe here.
[00:26:50] You can sleep now.
[00:26:53] Good night.
